Mediation

Conflict resolution

Essentially, there are three parts to the resolution of conflict:

1. I have my story, which you need to understand;
2. You have your story, which I need to understand;
3. Both of us need to ask serious questions to probe the depth of each other’s thoughts, actions, and desires. Each of us needs to accept a challenge as to whether the answer we hold is really the best or the only good one.

Mediation is asking a third party to come in and make sure that we are able to take all three steps. Simple as they are, how could we need help?

Because thoughts like this interfere just with the first two steps:

1. You already think you understand my story and act bored when I tell it. It makes me so mad I can’t even focus on what you might need to know. I just want to slap you.
2. I don’t think I “have a story.” I have principles which I have thought through very carefully, and I think any rational person would accept them if he just listened instead of crawling around inside his own head.
3. I am not curious about your thoughts; I don’t care why you have your silly ideas. When I listen, I am waiting until you are done so I can say, “I listened. And I still think you’re wrong.”
4. Now that you have listened, I am sure you only have to think it over a bit to see that I am right. I don’t need to hear your side.

If you want to change another person’s ideas, the first thing you have to do is find out what they are. In order to do this, you have to stop believing that you already know. Probably you don’t. Probably you know part of others’ thoughts, but not all of them. It is insulting to tell someone that you don’t need to hear his or her thoughts. If it is really true, then maybe this is not an important friendship after all. In that case, mediation cannot help you.

But think: God knew us perfectly, and yet Jesus was born and lived in poverty among us for 33 years. Surely God always knew us, but would we have believed it? The history of world religions says, “No.” Few people come to trust a God whose only home is in heaven. Well, hey! Can we can afford a tiny proportion of our time to be like Jesus and draw near to people whose ideas matter to them?

Usually, it’s not enough to find out the last conclusion of their thought process; it often means discovering the long path that led to that conclusion. Walk along that path. Notice, perhaps, the place where you would have taken a different turn. Notice it, but keep your mouth shut: keep walking, keep listening. If you ask questions, they are only for clarity. If you repeat what you understand, it is only to make sure you understood. A mediator can help you remember to stay in listener mode.

Both sides listen

Sometimes, a person is so convinced of his own right that as soon as you really listen, he assumes he has won your assent. He doesn’t remember that he has to listen as well. A mediator reminds him that now it’s your turn to bend his ear.

When you do speak, it may help to mention whether you have always thought as you do. By what journey did you arrive where you are? Was it in your mother’s milk, or was it recent in coming? It is possible that part of the reason for your position is that someone on “the other side” was unkind or foolish in some obvious way, “and I swore to myself that I would never be like that.” This is an important fact; try to say it in a way that shows the seriousness of your position without making an accusation of it. A mediator can help you.

Serious questions?

After listening, ask and weigh serious questions seriously:

1. You remember you said that you turned left at such and such a point. But could you have just made a detour and then continued straight?
2. I see your position, and I respect it. But I do not hold it. Is it so important to you that I hold it?
3. You gave three steps in the development of your thought. I think I understand all three as steps, but #2 seems like it could have gone another way.
4. You listed several people who are commonly admired and who believe as you do. I too have people I admire in my corner. I hesitate to name them, because you might think less of them, but they are in my heart all the time. I can never repudiate them. Holy names are a consideration; but is it really fair to weigh names?

It is impossible to list questions in the abstract – a “serious general purpose question” is probably a contradiction in terms. But the questions are there. This is very important.

Old conflicts with new applications

I often think of these matters when I am studying the history of science. In the time of Galileo, the most famous Copernican was Giordano Bruno. He was merely famous; he was not a great scientist, but traveled a lot and he had a prodigious memory and he had some clever ideas about the use of memory. People were fascinated. He was also a heretic, in the plain sense of denying the uniqueness of Jesus, and one country after another, Protestant as well as Catholic, threw him out.

It was easy in those days to say, “No, I will never be a Copernican like Giordano Bruno. The Bible says the sun rises, and that’s good enough for me. What does it matter anyway?”

We cannot always see what will matter. Not only space travel, but ordinary weather understanding depends on ideas about gravity and motion that had to imply the complex motions of the earth. Truth always matters, often in unexpected ways. We don’t want to be like Bruno; but in the end, there were actually lots of other Copernicans who resented being lumped with him and whose thoughts were less freely expressed for fear of being so considered.

It set things back.

My hero from this time (besides Galileo) is St. Robert Bellarmine. This doctor of the Church thought Galileo was wrong, and while he stated that the Church would be able and willing to reinterpret those scriptures (about sunrise, for example) which were naturally taken literally in those days, it would happen only if Galileo could produce proof. Galileo had the makings of a proof, but it was not possible to offer it. (His thoughts were not accessible to everyone.) Instead he offered something rather weak, but easier to follow. It was not a proof. The proof that would be clear to everyone was 150 years away, but the acceptance of Galileo was immediate throughout Europe, and Newton built on him within the next generation.

But on the other hand, Bellarmine knew that Galileo loved the Church, and that he was honest. As long as he lived, he made sure that nobody harmed Galileo, and it was only upon his death that Galileo was exposed to the anger of various men who had envied him for years but could not elbow past Cardinal Bellarmine.

It’s interesting. Bellarmine, doctor of the Church, was wrong about the motions of the planets, but he was just.

St. Robert, pray for us.

Who gathers

Who should belong — and vote?

It seems reasonable to ask, in regard to a Catholic fellowship of home educators, who should belong? In my particular fellowship, we immediately agreed that Protestants and other non-Catholics could join, but they had to be respectful of Catholicism and they could not hold office. We thought this an adequate protection from takeover by elements in the home school community who really don’t believe Catholicism is a religion. (Many think it is a cult.)

But then, what about graduates? They have opinions about education, surely? Not that most would remain with a fellowship that is no longer part of their everyday lives, but some live nearby and occasionally offer services of various kinds. It’s fair to say that they know what’s what in the community, and that their thoughts are of value; why not their votes?

And what about grandmothers? Of course those actively involved in home education are naturally part of the fellowship, but if the grandchildren are far away, then there can be no such involvement. Or if the grandchildren are indeed nearby, and if they are helpful as babysitters and read-aloud resources and chauffeurs, does that count? Not that every grandmother wants to vote, of course…

Pastors… youth ministers who deal with many of the home school students… How far can it stretch? Protestant pastors, of course, sometimes home school their children; Catholics generally have none. Youth ministers may have children, however; and they may or may not want to be involved. Certainly they have thoughts worthy of consideration.

Why gather?

It is perhaps serviceable, in this context, to return to the fundamental question: why are we gathered?

There are practical reasons, of course: we need each other’s help in both practical and inspirational matters.

And we enjoy each other!

But there is something else: the Church teaches that the Catholic parent, having brought children into the world, carries the first responsibility for their education and can never fully delegate this responsibility, howsoever other institutions or associations may offer to help. It is the sharing of this fundamental adventure that makes something different of St. Margaret’s Fellowship. It’s practical, friendly, useful, — and it supports our very demanding vocation at a time of life that is overwhelming, and in a culture that has turned a blind eye to the whole project. The world simply does not care whether people are educated — better if they are not, when you want to herd them like sheep. Better they not be educated if you are going to tell them about medieval stuff like truth and holiness.

It’s really hard going.

So, suppose someone joins St. Margaret’s, finding herself most surprised to be home educating when she got a college education with an entirely different vision of motherhood. And suppose the economy turns sour and she has to work and her children have to deal with the schools. What then?

Probably she will leave the fellowship; one can only be split so many ways. But it seems to me that the hospitable thing is to let her decide when and how, and even “if” she will leave. It may be that she needs the fellowship all the more. Even curriculum discussions remind her of things she could be doing at home to shore up the failures she may recognize in the evenings. Far deeper, however, is her need to be affirmed as a mother and educator. Even if she only gets in 10 minutes a day, she should feel the gentle and cheerful approval of her sisters in this endeavor. It is good for them to remind her that God multiplies our efforts according to his mercy, and then to be grateful that God still allows them a larger portion of their children’s education.

Then too, she may only have to work for a year or two. Who knows?

Therefore…

Unless there is a compelling reason to limit voting privileges, I should think they would go to all members. Certainly in a religious order, that would be the case; all the members always vote.

This is not a religious order.

Right.

And it can’t be, because its members are all bound, sacramentally, to specific spouses and households to whom they owe their first allegiance. There can be no mother superior whose word is law for me over my own husband, even if his opinions seem silly now and then, or if his decisions seem mistaken, (so long as they are not sinful.)

But I used to imagine that St. Margaret’s might one day participate in the founding of a religious institute, a “lay association of the faithful” like Opus Dei, or CL, because the vocation is so special, so deep, and so in need of long-term thought and support. In fact, there was a meeting, about 20 years ago, on the west coast, to discuss just such a founding. It did not bear fruit, but the vision remains and I just recently came across another home educator who had this vision without any knowledge or association with that early meeting. It was an affirmation that the Spirit still has this idea going.

Vocations

All are called to personal holiness; not all to join Pro-sanctity. All are called to intercession and Marian devotion; not all to join the Carmelites. All are called to stewardship of the earth; not all to become Franciscans.  Could it not be that there is a small number of people in the home school movement who are called, not just to the temporary circumstance of home education, but to a total commitment to the support of families as centers of education?

I thought that God would have had this vocation begin a clearer expression in our time. It seems deeply needed. Some voices have told me, more or less explicitly, that my moment of home education is over and if I were more mature, I would more willingly move on to other challenges.

I do not believe that this is God’s will for me. I could be mistaken, but I believe that home education is too large to be left exclusively to the busy and constantly interrupted young mothers of the moment. I don’t know how I would have made it without the spiritual formation of earlier years, and most mothers do not begin with any such advantages.

So, it’s a matter of vision. And when we founded St. Margaret’s, our vision included this service. Of course, vision belongs to God.  Each must vote as the Spirit leads, and it is entirely possible, that, like St. Charles deFoucauld, my personal vision is not meant to reach visible fruition in my lifetime. That’s okay. But it remains my vision and my vote.

Colossians 3:21

Paul to the Colossians, chapter 3, verse 21

This is from the famous epistle about “wives be submissive…” This is equally Paul’s word, the word of the Spirit, but not so famous.

In my mind, the verse is, “Fathers, drive not your children to anger, lest they become disheartened.” This seems to be a personal meme, as I can’t find it anywhere. The Douay Rheims and King James are close, and the new International Version is similar:

21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. That’s the King James

21 Fathers, provoke not your children to indignation, lest they be discouraged. That’s Douay Rheims

21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. That’s New International

Anger, indignation, bitterness… If the way you correct your children causes this sort of thing, then you need to look for another form of discipline. I would emphasize that children (and adults) normally have negative feelings about being corrected; the immediate feeling is not the problem. It’s the deep-seated fury that cannot be left to fester. Many adults remember the day they closed one parent or the other out of their hearts because of repeated insults to their dignity. They had to protect themselves, perhaps, but it did not make them wise.

So Paul has an interesting admonition here, one that gives parents a different perspective from the more commonly quoted, “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” which seems to be bluntly pro-punishment. Instead, Paul is pointing out that if a child does not see the justice of a punishment, if his inner freedom is violated to the point that he cherishes anger more than the wisdom that is supposedly being offered, then that anger will prevent the proper development of his heart.

Courage is from the root word “Coeur” – which is French for heart. “Discouraged” means deprived of heart. Somehow it stuck in my mind as “disheartened” – diminished in the heart. It’s the very opposite of what Jesus came for – “that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.” The development of the heart is precisely what is most important in the spiritual – which is to say human –  life.

So the needed perspective is that there is no rule of correction that is right in all cases; rather, you have to notice the actual effect of your correction. Some kids need a very firm hand. Others need a very gentle hand. Some kids need to understand why they are corrected, and if you don’t tell them, they will be resentful. Others obey quickly and move on to the next thing. Still others ask why, why, why, only to make you talk, talk, talk, until you are too tired to carry through. You have to cut them off. Tell them you’ll talk about it while they are drying the dishes. If that evaporates their curiosity, fair enough. But every child is different.

Just like people.

Oh, yeah! They are people, and all of them are different.

Clothing

Some years back, as I was brushing a daughter’s hair and complaining to her about how she should take better care of it, the Lord spoke to me in my heart and said something I never forgot. He told me she was going to be beautiful, and that I needed to get on the right side of her relationship with her beauty if I wanted to be available to her when she needed me. I never complained again while I was brushing her hair. I made sure that my husband and I were the first one to tell her, without fanfare, that she was pretty and that we enjoyed it.

It is something to consider.

Several YouTube pieces devoted to modesty have recently been offered for consideration in my local homeschool support group, the principal message being that immodest clothing is an occasion of sin for others, particularly that girls’ immodest clothing is an occasion of sin for young men, but briefly noted, also young men’s muscle display is a possible occasion of sin for young women. The conclusion of the discussion (4 clips) is that we should have the courage of our convictions about modesty and dress in a manner that proclaims those convictions.

The videos are sincere and obviously based on experience. The message is clear and overdue in many circles. The background music varies from clip to clip, but some of it is quietly disturbing, as the message is meant to be. The speakers are all dressed modestly: the young men and young women both have their arms covered, a certain equality of responsibility being emphasized in this. The young women and the mom both have a minimum of jewelry – earrings, maybe a bit of lipstick. Almost everyone’s shirts come up within an inch of the neck. No cleavage, of course, in fact not even a collarbone. No biceps. The message against tight shorts is explicit and unequivocal, and the message about sleeves and collar heights is visually clear.

However incontrovertible the argument, however, the one-sidedness of the presentation leaves something to be desired. Will it really help mothers get on the right side of their daughters’ beauty?

Perhaps, but the arguments offered in favor of modest clothing take only slight account of customs or of changing fashions. After all, it’s not so long ago that a woman in America could be faulted because her ankles showed; should we now deem this exposure an occasion of sin? While it is true that men and women don’t change, fashions really do, and even granting that present fashions have been deliberately pushed in a direction calculated to diminish chastity, the fact remains that sensitivity to the sight of skin really does vary.

Given that fashions change, and given that customs differ so that sensitivities also differ, what is our responsibility for the temptations of others? Certainly we have some; I think Paul is explicit in this matter. But how far does it go? Should we commit ourselves to wearing faded colors down to the knee and elbow and up to the neck? Even for sports and while swimming?

A mother of several daughters will quickly notice that one daughter wants jewelry practically from birth, while another takes a later and lesser interest. She will want to be sure that the one who flashes knows Jesus and will make every effort to protect this child from a loss of innocence as she develops a sense of personal responsibility about her feminine presence. The mother will understand that if the flash is merely squashed, it may go underground and come out the worse for it.

In dealing with the daughter whose beauty is a later development, or whose sense of self-presentation naturally turns on muted colors, a mother will avoid suggesting that plainness is a virtue, which it is not. But again, she will work to be sure that this child who does not immediately attract admiration knows Jesus intimately and senses the perfection she has in her parents’ eyes, so that she is able to move gracefully into maturity, without the anxious hunger for attention that makes a plain girl vulnerable to abuse.

C.S. Lewis made an interesting remark about two kinds of jokes, and it’s an insight that applies to clothing: some girls wear sexy clothing because they want to flash and sexiness is generally built into flashy clothing. Other girls want to be sexy, and wear flashy clothing because that comes with sexy clothes. Whether or not this makes a difference to the guys (how would you know?) it is a significant difference within the heart of a girl, and for you as a mother, this is of first importance. Accusing someone of immodesty when she is simply high-spirited just makes Christianity look dull. Paul has a firm word to parents whose discipline makes their children lose heart.

We have a great father and king! He is constantly calling us to his heart, and is asking us to bring others to him. In order to best do this, we have to remember that people come to him along enormously varied paths. Like God, who makes the rain to fall on the good and the evil, we need to let our joy and hospitality fall widely and peacefully on those around us, reserving our judgment for those few he has specifically – and usually briefly — called us to correct.

 

Little Things

Even in the most painful of maternal failures,

our own angers,

and the angers of children and spouses

who believe we have failed in small things and great,

we draw ever closer to God,

and He receives us with tender compassion.

It is easy to forget,

to be swept into the moment,

particularly for the mother

whose life is composed of so many little things.

Can we draw close to God in the midst of anger?

Nothing is harder. First off, no prayer rises from the flames of anger. There must be forgiveness.

But don’t give up! Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, and it can be lightning-quick if we make it a habit. Begin now. Be the first to forgive, which is to say, the first to release everyone from any demand that you are temped to make as a condition of love. Just let go; that’s all. Jesus dropped all his claims against others; He will help you.

Second, anger usually means you’ve said something that feels like a commitment to a position so that if you compromise, you will lose your personal dignity. “If I back down now, that means I don’t have any spine, or any authority, or I didn’t really mean it and that I never mean what I say.” It takes a lot of humility to risk all those judgments, but giving up anger is not giving up principle. You can make a decision and carry it out with or without anger, same decision.

Yes, it’s true that we often change our decisions when we give up our anger; seeing them more clearly, we notice some rough edges that are not important to save; but giving up anger is not giving up principle. Step by step, maybe for the first time in your family history, you can be the one to learn to act on principle without anger. Pick a saint to help you; lots of choices.

I think of the prayer of St. Thomas More:

Give me the grace, good Lord to set the world at naught

…

To consider my greatest enemies my best friends,

for the brethren of Joseph could never have done him

so much good with their love and favor

as they him with their malice and hatred.

Sounds incredible, but he was in the Tower of London, and his former best friend was to have his head cut off. Not a small thing to forgive, but he forgave while refusing to back down on the issue of principle — that Henry VIII’s marriage to Ann Boleyn was unsacramental, invalid and sinful.

And then there’s the problem of bearing the anger of others, just or unjust. All I can say about this is that I think of the tenth of the Stations of the Cross, when Jesus is stripped of his garments. It is His way of sharing the humiliation of human life. Take his hands in your own and be still. Just or unjust, he is with you in the burden of others’ anger and scorn and in the vulnerability you feel.

Lives of mothers are so full of little things. Don’t let it get you down. He who cares for the sparrows will watch over every detail of your life. He never forgets; nothing is too small.

St. Germaine

Some notes from my daughter:

I just read your last blog entry, and wanted to let you know that St. Germaine’s father remarried and her stepmother is the one that made her sleep out in the barn.  Her father was apparently unable to stand up to his new wife.  I think she had scrofula, which is of course unappealing to look at — and infectious? — so maybe that is the reason.

[Scrofula, I learn, is an inflammation of the lymph nodes, associated with tuberculosis. There can be open wounds, and TB is certainly infectious, so scrofula would be. I don't know how directly so, however; most people with TB don't have open wounds on their necks. ]

Also her body is incorrupt, except for where some French soldiers poured lye on it during the Revolution. [They worked really hard to get rid of those incorrupt bodies and other Catholic things! Wonder what became of the guy who had that job.]

There are many miracles told about her, one of which is that her stepmother chased her into the town square accusing her of hiding stolen bread in her apron, and when it fell open it was full of tulips — and it was December.  But it’s hard to know how accurate these stories are.

The story I remember best was that she went to Mass while she was tending the sheep. She put her staff in the ground and told them to stay by it — and they did. Sounds crazy, but the Isaian prophecy of the Messianic days includes peace among the beasts, and I know far too many crazy things to dismiss it. You know, the story of St. Francis and the wolf seemed pretty far-fetched, but when the church in Gubbio had to be remodeled, a massive wolf’s head was found under the flagstone doorstep.

Suffering is part of the lives of the saints, but the presence of God is made clear in ways that are very sweet and specific, miracles being not at all uncommon. Notice, however, that the miracles are not mere conveniences; they are signs of his presence and love. Seems like a healing of the scrofula might have been more convenient, but that was something Germaine accepted; the ability to go safely to Mass was what she asked for, and the wolves never went after her sheep when she was away on this daily project.

Her dates are 1579-1601. I had no idea she was so long ago. Her feast day is June 15.

Cloud of Witnesses

One of the most important supports of the spiritual life is reading. If we neglect this, it may happen that our personal prayer will dry up, become listless and forgetful and disoriented. How could it not? No human effort is carried on faithfully and fruitfully without some kind of input. The top scientist reads the literature to see what others have discovered in his field; the top chef visits other cooks for new inspiration for his cuisine; even a great writer enjoys other writers, seeing more clearly from the midst of his own efforts what they sought to achieve and whether they did.

Find a spiritual book that wakens your heart and helps you to enter the place within yourself where God speaks to you with clarity and peace. Scripture, of course, lives of the saints, poetry of those who seek God, reflections of wise spiritual teachers – all of these can help. Don’t worry if you are not helped by what helps your nearest neighbor. You have your own history and your own needs; what helps another may leave you cold. Spiritual reading is completely personal and nobody has to be satisfied with your choice except you, yourself. The discernment whether this is the right reading for you is whether it helps you to pray.

Some people are genuinely helped by theological works that quiet their tumultuous, questioning minds, works that would bore others or make them tense with the intellectual effort. Several prayer-book periodicals, such as The Word Among Us, and Magnificat, supply daily prayers, inspirational readings, and lives of the saints, a rich menu. Some people find one helpful book and stay with it for years. One of the pleasures of being a mother is reading children’s lives of the saints, simple examples of holiness among the poor.

I think of the story of St. Germaine. There’s a nobody of a saint! She was a little girl – she never did grow up – who had no family, and for some reason she had a sore that would not heal. The family that more or less took her in would not let her live in the house lest their children become infected, so she lived with their animals and took the sheep to pasture each day. Hers is a story of the love of God transforming a life that was – that seemed – destined for complete nothingness.

Or here is Dominic, full of intellect, or St. Francis Xavier, full of zeal. Saint Kateri Tekakwitha is one of my favorites because of her great love and because I like her joy at reaching the mission after so many years of persecution. Then, at the end of her life, her face became beautiful, a sign the resurrection, new bodies.

St. Paul encourages us this way: “Surrounded as we are by such a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every hindrance… and run with perseverance.

We are not alone!

Surrounded and upheld

by the saints who continually renew

the evidence of God’s presence in time,

particularly the evidence of his faithfulness to the most helpless,

a mother is not alone,

even in the night watches.

Spiritual reading refreshes her awareness of these holy ones

who assure her that her difficulties

are not impossible,

nor even unforeseen,

and her efforts are not wasted.

Father, Father!

And yet…

It is not good to say to anyone

“Help! Help!” all the time.

A mother should know how boring this is!

Say instead, “Father, Father!”

and praise Him in all things,

for He sees and has not forgotten.

Praise is a form of trust;

“the world is wider than my fears;

I will celebrate your Love forever,

even today.”

I remember praying, “Help!  Help…” once when my troubles were very deep. God spoke to me in my heart and said, “Don’t say ‘Help help,’ say, ‘Father, Father.’”

What an amazing concept! Immediately I stepped outside my desperation into a personal relationship that was Comfort and Stillness. I still had a problem to solve, and it took a long time because it was a big problem, but I understood that our Father wants us to be in relationship first of all. He is not just a Fixer; he does not wish to be known that way or constantly approached in anxiety.

When unbelievers see us approaching God in this desperate way, they become scornful. They say that God is just a crutch and that our approach to him is neurotic. Even if we receive a happy and startling answer to our prayers, they say, “Well, it was going to happen that way anyway.” What can we prove about that?

Nothing.

Worse, even in our hearts, the evidence for God’s love is not actually the event that “answers,” but the Presence that enters our hearts through both the question and the answer. So both for us and for the unbelievers around us, what is persuasive is our serenity in God, and that comes very quickly, though in small doses at first, when we approach him as his children.

Jesus gives us the most powerful example of this. Remember when he was dying on the cross, and he said, “Father, into your hands, I commend my spirit.” And the soldier standing nearby could not help but see, right then and there, that this was “truly a son of God.” That is the witness that is persuasive. How many people have written about Jesus’ words, “my God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” These words persuade us that he understood our sometimes desperate pain, but they have also been used to suggest that he really was confused about his relationship with the Father, that he didn’t know he was divine, and that maybe we shouldn’t be so sure either.

But the answer to that is given in the scriptures: Jesus’ last words were words of confidence and relationship, and they converted one soldier right there on the spot.

That’s the plan.

Pray always

Prayer has many forms:

spontaneous according to the need of the moment,

liturgical in communion with the ageless and worldwide Church,

words chosen by the saints

and recorded for others’ encouragement.

It is good to speak to God always.

My mother used to have the words,

Semper et ubique

gratias agere!

scribbled exultantly on the kitchen cupboards. It is a line from the preface of the Latin Mass which begins “Right and just it is, everywhere and always, to give thanks.” The last part is what she had chosen to remind herself every day: always and everywhere to give thanks and not because life with nine children was so easy!

St. Paul had such a prayer. He told the Philippians to “rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.”  This is in his epistle to the Philippians, chapter 4, verse 4.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta promised Jesus she would smile for him, and she did so for the rest of her life, even though she felt deep within her heart the pain of abandonment that her chosen little ones felt every day of their lives. Her smile lighted an entire generation, and still provides us with peace. Read Come be my Light.

I have other favorite prayers. One is the Lorica of St. Patrick, the deer’s cry, where he says,

I arise today

Through a mighty strength

The invocation of the Trinity

Through a belief in the threeness

Through confession of the oneness

Of the creator of creation.

So it goes for a whole page. You can find it here with a simple icon of St. Patrick. I have been told that it has the form of a traditional spell, and it speaks a word of protection against all the wiles of darkness. Note that he thinks pretty highly of the Trinity! It’s an interesting prayer as well as a glad one. I love his list of the wonders of creation:

I arise today

Through the strength of heaven;

Light of the sun,

Splendor of fire,

Speed of lightning,

Swiftness of the wind,

Depth of the sea,

Stability of the earth,

Firmness of the rock.

He lived on the earth, didn’t he? This is a true child of the Incarnation. And you can be sure that all the prayers of the saints began as spontaneous words of their own. You can lean on them when they are right for you, and you can also pray in your own words every day, as they did.

Deliver us

At the end of the Our Father, we have this prayer: Deliver us from evil. Amen. Sometimes it is rendered: Deliver us from the evil one.

In Dr. Ken McAll’s book, Healing the Family Tree, he says that God taught him that this prayer at the end of the Our Father is an exorcism. It is the exorcism, at least in the ordinary sense. It’s the daily exorcism of the ordinary Christian going about his business in a world full of sin, temptation, ugliness, and failing relationships.

This brief prayer from our Lord, the Our Father, starts with praise, continues with a heartfelt desire to see the kingdom, expresses hope and trust about daily needs, pledges us to forgive and accept forgiveness, — and finally has also an exorcism. If there’s something more to say in prayer, I don’t know what it is. Not that there aren’t a dozen embroideries and personal expressions of each element, but it’s really all there. A meditative Our Father covers the ground, and if you’re feeling confused about how to start your prayers, or if you think you might be leaving something out, Jesus has a suggestion:

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen

In this closing exorcism, Jesus also teaches us something very important about our life with him. Just as he sent the 72 and they returned rejoicing because the demons were subject to them, he also sends us, and the demons do not have power in our lives. At least, they don’t need to. Have we asked? Expected? Do we recognize this vocation to free the world — not just ourselves — from darkness?

Of course there are extraordinary circumstances where a depth of evil is too great to face without the full sense and weight of the Church; then it is appropriate to call an exorcist. This is a special vocation. We are not to bandy about this power from Jesus or be conceited about our relationship with the King’s Son and take on all comers. But in a simple way, we are called to confidence in God, even in the perceptible presence of evil. If we maintain a sense of this depth in the ordinary praying of the Our Father, we will be stronger in even the smallest encounters with evil. And that’s the best preparation for larger encounters.

Be not afraid.